Monday, May 23, 2011

Riding on the Train

What do you do when you’re happy and riding on the We-train and your SO decides they want to ride on the I-train every now and then? I was watching the “All that Glitters” episode of Sex and the City and Carrie Bradshaw said this… 

“Once we find what we are searching for, why are some of us reluctant to let go of our single selves? Is single life in New York such a constant flurry of fun and friends that settling down immediately fills us with the urge to shake things up again? And why does becoming part of a couple imply settling down? Maybe Oliver does have the key in that we shouldn’t expect to get everything from one man but instead feel comfortable getting different things from different people. Although at what point do separate interests become separate bedrooms? I couldn’t help but wonder to be a couple do you have to put your single self on a shelf?”

It’s hard because you live your whole life as a single person and then all of a sudden every decision that you make you have to consider this other person. When you get in a relationship you move from single me to almost a whatever you like hopping on one leg barking like a dog for them kind of woman. When they wrong you you’re saying, “I never intended to be this chick” (word to Jill Scott)

Belle has warned us about giving all the wife privileges with no ring on our fingers but do we listen? No. We cook and clean, set reminders, pick up dry cleaning, help pay bills, wear our hair the way they like us to wear it, and generally put aspects of our lives on hold for them. And how do they repay us? By being inconsiderate children of God who don’t properly communicate when we need them to.

The situation usually goes like this: You are going about your usual Saturday morning routine. Taking a trip to the salon for a mani pedi, running to Walmart and the grocery store for household items, and prepping for Sunday dinner. You have some time to relax because SO has plans with some friends for lunch which is no big deal; you love that he has friends and a life outside of your relationship. While you’re washing greens SO texts you the he hasn’t gone to lunch yet because he’s waiting on one friend that decided to come last minute. Okay fine, it’s still early and you have plenty to do before tonight when you guys have your weekly Saturday night movie and pizza date. He later texts you saying that he’s an hour away and the wait for lunch at the restaurant was and hour and a half so they decided to get in a “quick” game of golf. It’s now 4pm so that means he’s going to be home at what time?  Nine, Ten? He’s not sure but he’ll be home later. Two hours pass and he texts you saying that they decided to go for drinks at a bar. Now you’re pissed because a day that was supposed to be a quick 2 hour trip with the guys has now turned into an all day thing.

SO doesn’t understand why you’re upset because he told you every change of plan as soon as he found out about it. (extra girlfriend side eye) True and thanks for that but what SO fails to understand is that when he saw that the plans went from 2 hours to all day what he should have done was asked if you were okay with rescheduling your usual Saturday night plans.

Now for some that sounds too much like being whipped or asking for permission. Or even that the person you’re in a relationship with doesn’t want you to have fun without them or spend time with friends. (if that’s the case that’s a whole new set of issues) But a relationship is a We-train. If you want to be on the I-train that’s cool but you can’t be on both. If you have plans later with your SO you can’t suddenly change plans and hang with the guys or girls all day and expect the other person to be okay with it and not feel some type of way at all.

What are your thoughts?

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