Monday, May 9, 2011

Committing Emotional Adultery

Have you ever had a next lifetime moment? You were with someone that you loved more than you ever thought you could love someone, then you met someone else, this man that had to be the one that gave you a rib. You had a Jill Scott “Lonely Whenever You’re Around” moment in your relationship and ended up committing emotional adultery.

What do you do when you’ve lost the spark that you once felt for the person that you’re in a relationship with? Things have become the same ‘ol same ‘ol. You talk on the way to work, at your lunch breaks, and have dinner together before going to your separate homes. You spend weekends doing the same things you do every weekend and you begin to feel like an old married couple. Along comes this new friend and it seems as though this friend is doing and saying everything right where SO is getting more and more annoying by the minute. You find yourself talking to this person instead of SO. You’ll ignore SO calls and texts to talk to this person, you now talk to this new friend on lunch breaks and on the way home. You spend way more time with this new person than the person you are in a relationship with.

You forgot all about the years that SO has put up with your BS and loved you more than anything. All the good times and working though the bad times with you. You’re putting your feelings and this friendship in its infancy before your long standing established relationship. When SO tells you that they don’t like said friend you don’t care and continue to talk and hang out with them causing friction in your relationship over someone who in most cases after you’ve broken up with SO you find to be not worth a damn. Did you make a mistake and pick the wrong one? Now you’re thinking…SO wasn’t that bad I was just trippin’, wanting my cake and to be able to eat it too.

Or have you been on the other side of it? Your SO has kind of checked out of the relationship. You notice they spend hours on the computer or keep their phone closer to them than they used to. You don’t know of anyone that they need to talk to that much. When you look over your SO is just typing away to some mystery person with a smile at every text message alert. Hmmmm…

When something like this happens what do you do? Find a “friend” of your own to talk to? Now you’re both sitting on the couch not talking to each other but talking to other people. Do you snoop and hack into every social networking site your SO has or check their emails and texts? What happens if you go searching and find something that you didn’t want to find or gasp something far worse than what you really thought it was? Do you confront your SO with the info you find or hold all your feelings inside and blow up at them about their emotional adultery over something that is completely unrelated?

The truth is no one wants to feel like the one that they are with isn’t really invested or paying attention to the relationship anymore. That, my friends is a recipe for a disaster! Find some ways to keep the spice in your relationship. I don’t live my life by the notion of “what you won’t do for him another woman will” (although I have no doubt that its true) because as we all know in relationships communication is key and if you are unhappy with or don’t want to be in said relationship anymore then you need to be talking to the person you’re in a relationship with not some stranger b*itch. (Can I get an AMEN?!) And if you talk to your SO and they make it clear that they could care less about your legitimate concerns or don’t make the necessary changes that you need them to, then it’s time to move on because they don’t love you like they say they do.


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