Saturday, January 22, 2011

Friends: When It's Time to Move On

It usually goes like this, you have known this person since you came out the womb, twenty plus years of friendship and you don’t want to let it go to waste. You’ve known all along that you two were different but she is your oldest friend so you try to include her in all the new things you’re doing. When you were little you told her to take ballet with you and she pushed another little girl into the bar so she got kicked out. In high school you wanted her to take Honors and AP classes with you but she didn’t want to do the summer reading and be in a class with a bunch of “Asian nerds”. You went away to school at an HBCU and she stayed at home because she needed a break from school. When she came to school to visit you, you told her how you wanted to join a sorority and she rolled her eyes because according to her “females can’t be trusted”. You invited her to a local open mic night and she pouted and sighed the whole time because she couldn’t wait to get out of there and go to club ratchet.

She has a short temper and embarrasses you in public, thinks all white people are out to get her and lets them know it when the cashier helps another customer before her even though she wasn’t standing in line. She accuses black men of not liking black women when they don’t accept her advances and she thinks every other black woman is staring her down and talking behind her back.

Although she is negative and “so hood”, she’s been a good friend to you. She’s never betrayed your trust and always had your back through whatever circumstances. As many issues as you have with this friend you don’t want to leave her behind. She didn’t have the same home life that you had and you feel like you’re all she’s got. Maybe she didn’t have all the same opportunities that you had but you can't want better for someone than they want for themselves.

The reality is some people you need to let go of to get where you want to be in life. You notice that now you are cussing way more than usual. You’re watching reality TV and less news. You stay out late and can’t function properly at work. Why? Because the behaviors and tendencies of this friend are rubbing off on you. Holding on to this friendship isn’t helping you become a better person. A friend is supposed to be there for you but also should be someone that you can grow with and make each other better people.

Don’t be afraid to let people go that are hindering your growth. What’s worse a person being mad at you for doing what’s best for you or not becoming the person you were meant to be because you were too afraid to let your oldest “friend” go?

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