I've Still Got A Ways to Go

I consider myself to be a conscious modern sista. I know my history and love and accept myself just the way that I am. I embrace my hair the way it grows out of my head. I love my full lips and cocoa skin. From the words of Jill Scott,“ I believe black people are beautiful. Always have been and always will be.” So I was shocked to have a revelation about myself last week.  

**********************************************************************

I’ve been living the life of a writer for that past few months. My days have been spent writing, making lists and plans etc. My wardrobe has become yoga pants, ponytails and fuzzy socks. My diet has become lattes, coffee, and Starbucks Doubleshots. Healthy right?

Because I would rather focus on my writing than anything else I’ve made some changes in my everyday routine of getting ready in the morning. For the past maybe month or so I have flat ironed my hair once. I’ve been blow-drying it and wearing it in a French braid, its still looks nice and well groomed and I like the hairstyle. But I’ve found with the French braid I won’t wear any makeup other than a little mascara and well groomed brows. I don’t feel ugly with the braid but I definitely don’t feel as pretty as I usually do when my hair is straight or even in its natural state.

Where did this come from? I love makeup and I love my natural hair in it various forms, so why do I feel awkward with natural hair and a beat face? Something about that combo just doesn’t sit well with my spirit.

I know that we have been conditioned by and bombarded with European standards of beauty. I’m aware of its effects on the African American community. I thought I was above all of this madness. I’m a well educated and conscious modern black woman. I believe that beauty comes in all forms and colors and textures. I thought I was above what other people thought of me, for the most part. I thought I embraced my natural self, the way I was, without any enhancements. Guess I’ve still got a ways to go.